The Real Reason Most Founders Are Lying to Themselves

frustrated female SaaS startup founder with box of whole pizza

Have you ever had a realization that keeps you up at night? For many founders, that moment comes when they admit they’ve been playing a game of pretend. We all do it. We pretend we’re crushing it (while eating ramen for the third time this week). We pretend we know our market (while secretly guessing wildly). We pretend we’re confident (while panicking daily). We pretend we need more data (while avoiding real customer calls). And we pretend we’re “strategic” (while procrastinating on the hard decisions).

But here’s the truth: the most successful founder I know once told me, “The day I stopped pretending and started admitting I don’t know sht was the day I actually started building something real.”*

Maybe it’s time we stop asking, “How do I become successful?” and start asking, “Why am I so afraid to admit I’m lost?”

The Game of Pretend

Let’s break it down. Founders are often seen as visionaries, trailblazers, and problem-solvers. But behind the scenes, many of us are just trying to keep our heads above water. Here’s what the game of pretend looks like in real life:

1. Pretending We’re Crushing It
   Social media is full of founders posting about their “hustle” and “grind.” But the reality? We’re often eating ramen, working late nights, and wondering if we’re even on the right track.
2. Pretending We Know Our Market
   We convince ourselves we understand our customers, but deep down, we’re guessing. We avoid picking up the phone and talking to real users because we’re scared of what they might say.
3. Pretending We’re Confident
   Confidence is key, right? But behind the scenes, we’re panicking. We worry about funding, competition, and whether our product will ever take off.
4. Pretending We Need More Data
   Data is important, but sometimes we use it as an excuse to delay action. We tell ourselves we need “just a little more information” before making a decision, but really, we’re just avoiding the hard stuff.
5. Pretending We’re Strategic
   We call ourselves “strategic” when we’re really just procrastinating. Instead of making tough calls, we spend hours optimizing our to-do lists or watching YouTube videos about productivity.

Why Do We Pretend?

The real question is: why do we do this? Why do we lie to ourselves and everyone around us?

1. Fear of Failure
   Admitting we don’t know something feels like admitting failure. But the truth is, no one has all the answers — especially in the early stages of building a business.
2. Pressure to Perform
   Founders are expected to be leaders, visionaries, and experts. The pressure to live up to these expectations can make it hard to admit when we’re struggling.
3. The Myth of the “Perfect Founder”
   We’ve all heard the stories of founders who seemed to have it all figured out. But the reality is, even the most successful founders have moments of doubt and uncertainty.

The Turning Point

The most successful founders I’ve met have one thing in common: they stopped pretending. They embraced their imperfections, admitted what they didn’t know, and focused on learning instead of pretending.

Here’s how you can do the same:

1. Admit You Don’t Know Everything
   It’s okay to not have all the answers. In fact, admitting you don’t know something is the first step toward finding a solution.
2. Talk to Your Customers
   Stop guessing and start listening. Pick up the phone, send that email, or schedule that meeting. Your customers will tell you what they need — if you’re willing to listen.
3. Embrace the Hard Decisions
   Procrastinating on tough calls won’t make them any easier. Face them head-on, even if it’s uncomfortable.
4. Be Honest with Yourself and Others
   Stop pretending everything is perfect. Share your struggles with your team, your mentors, or even other founders. You’ll be surprised how many people can relate.

Final Thoughts

The journey of a founder is filled with uncertainty, challenges, and moments of self-doubt. But the moment we stop pretending and start being honest with ourselves is the moment we truly start building something real.

So, the next time you catch yourself playing the game of pretend, take a step back and ask yourself: Why am I afraid to admit I’m lost?

Because sometimes, admitting you’re lost is the first step toward finding your way.

What’s your favorite form of “strategic” procrastination? Share your thoughts in the comments below!